i have been absent on here and it has been needed. i am focussing my energy on a lot of new things and i’m being (re)directed and sometimes withdrawal is the absolute key to life. so. here i am. returning without apology.
i have been thinking a lot about my blog. and i promise nobody who is asking that i am always trying to update and post. creating content for my blog is always something that feels right, it feels like my favourite way to communicate above all of my platforms. and i’m paying more attention to that. and more, if i recognise how good it feels to be here, i need to recognise that this space needs to feel like my most current version of self. it doesn’t feel like that yet. so. expect this space to transform, ever so slightly, over the next season. i think, i do not know, but i think you can expect the content to shift in direction too. lets see where i feel my voice best needs to storytell.
i have more updates:
the first draft will be completed by the end of 2017. i pray. and it is scary. but i like it. love it. i feel so excited by the reality of it. 2018 will be the year that i publish my first book, the year i can introduce myself as an author. i pray and affirm and thank Yah.
so that is that. i will be sharing my writing experiences and elaborating a little on the narrative (it’s about womanhood, you knew it would be because it is all show up for). i will also be opening up and oversharing and looking for feedback and words and advice. so. that is my business from now until then.
i have been busying myself with settling into my new home, new life, new rituals, new habits, new affirmations and goals, and i am dealing well with myself, being nice to myself. living alone has been the best decision i have made. i noticed that actually. most of the decisions i have made – and have been so momentarily regretful over – have been the best ones of my life. this is at the top of the list. right now. i value personal space so much and although it didn’t seem like the wisest thing to do, financially, i got to a place, in perfect timing, where it all seemed worth it. i’ll be honest, Uni does not prepare you for the world, it gives you more comfort than you should expect post-graduation. but. here i am, figuring out what i must unlearn, what i must ask my mother’s advice for, and what i must trust myself deeply enough to teach.
i am still adapting to living in Birmingham. i lived here for three years during University. but living in the city as a student is not the same as living here as a workig adult. it is fun. frustrating. i have missed the last train so often and played myself by not even checking where the nearest bus stop is (or downloading the app?? still. even now, right now. even after typing this, i have not reached for my phone and opened the app store, i am too carefree for this adulting business) so i could get home at a decent safe time. i have found the short cuts. the vegan spots. the routes with the more scenic view. i’m getting there and for once not rushing myself. i will also be starting a new job soon. having balanced retail and another creative job with Women and Theatre, it has been difficult to maintain a social life and a creative one too. but it has been massively rewarding. i have been working with three cohorts of young women from vulnerable backgrounds to produce films in response to Mac Birmingham’s Women in Protest season. this younger generation of women are frightening you know. they know so much, i think, more than we did. and their voices do not tremble, they discuss things about people that have nothing to do with their lives or struggles with so much ease, and confidence and understanding. and it is all genuine. they make the adults look childish for creating these taboos. they provide everything they talk about with the strength it deserves. and they are so patient with each other. i could write about them all day but ultimately, it has been the most rewarding bit of work I have done and it felt strange to be paid for doing it, because I have felt that i have gained so much it is as if I am being paid for being enriched. and for having conversation. for being a creative amongst the city’s youngest, freshest, creative minds. a necessary plug: if you are in Birmingham on Wednesday 6th December, around 6pm or 7pm, we have two special screenings of the work that these young women have created. the event is free. you will leave full. i might cry. i might leave the number to reserve tickets here: 0121 4463232.
i’m excited for what is next. other than doing writer and actually working on the poetry book daily, i am starting to share my work online more. putting more dialogues out and trying to generate discussion. expect that here too, through poetry, through prose through dreams too actually, but not through my poetry diaries anymore, i don’t think. i believe that the poetry diaries will cease to exist soon. i enjoy curating them. so much. and i enjoy retrospect and reflection generally so it works. but. i am very seasonal, and the season for it is ending. i started documenting my growth from oct-nov 16 so i will write it through to oct-nov 17 just for a sense of completion and then i will be taking my documentation in a new direction. i have promised myself to carry my camera around with me everywhere in the hope that i will fall back in love with visual story-telling. and so i will share more photography. but also, i will be disciplining myself to write more essays, personal essays, in honour of Mother Maya Angelou and Baldwin and Didion and all the other great essayists who stole my mind this time last year. i would like to contribute to that mode of sharing.
i will remember to drink my water, mind my business and glow selfishly and abundantly in the midst of these plans. and fall in love, with whatever i feel asked to. that is what i will do.
thank you for reading what i write.